My Journey May 20

This morning I woke up on my back. This is so horrible when it happens. It took me a long time just to be able to move at all. It's like being paralyzed, but it's that the pain is so bad, I can't move or even take a good breath.

I usually only sleep on the left side, with pillows under my are, and have to position my arm head an
d neck just so and have a pillow between my knees and ankles.
So waking up on my back is a disaster.

And having to go two hours just to pick up a prescription added to the agony. I didn't see the Dr and have a appointment to see him again in August. Then I am going to appeal one more time to try and get some decent pain meds.

This is something I desperately need, He thinks that older people don't need as much pain meds. But my pain is from many sources and I NEED ENOUGH PAIN meds to at least take the edge off the pain. Or I don't think I can continue living in the agony much longer. IT's barbaric to be made to live like this.

I yearn for the release of pain, just for a few minutes. This pain has stolen my life away. It doesn't have to be this way, if only I could get enough meds to make it worth living than I would be so grateful.

So many of us get to the point where we choose to stop living because of having to live like this. There are good pain medications that would have a positive effect on my life.

Why do the DRs not listen to each patient and to the amount of pain each person has, and if that pain is from more than one or several sources, Pain like this must be treated aggressively or we will not live.

I don't know why and can't understand how the Drs think just because I am older, I don't need as much pain meds. The truth is that I am not getting enough to make it worthwhile to continue living.

My children are grown and my life is over because of the pain. The only thing left is to make it permenant. I will hang on as long as August and beg the DR to help me with the pain.

If I can't get some decent pain relief-then I will not continue living. I just am too exhausted from all the pain. I need help or I need not to be here.

No, I am NOT depressed, nor am I being anything but honest in my effort to get help with the agony. This isn't the way anyone should be forced to live.

I cannot be forced to live anyway, but I am going to keep trying for now, for as long as I can make myself go on.