My Journey Sept 26, 09 A LIFE OF PAIN

I was getting changed for bed when I heard a noise near the back of the house, and the dog was barking and jumping at the door to go out.

When I went to let her out, I heard a scratching sound and noticed a person trying to open the window, so I grabbed the pistol, (a pellet pistol, but it looks read) and went outside. He was so intent on the window that I was almost upon him before her noticed me. There I stood, a skinny old woman in her panties holding the pistol near my thigh. The pistol was heavy and I was holding it in the bad hand, I couldn't change hands and wouldn't let it fall. My shoulder, arm , wrist and hand and fingers are still throbbing from the weight of it.

I totally surprised him and asked, " Are you shopping? I have a new Dell computer, a surround sound home theater, and new microwave and just bought a diamond necklace. Come on in and look around while I get dressed, I sure could use a cup of coffee."

Scared the H out of him he said "Are you crazy, bitch?"

I said, "Yes, don't you know who I am?" Crazy as a loon,and twice as mean, well come on in"

He turned and ran off shouting "You crazy bitch-you gonna shoot me?" The poor almost burglar jumped over three fences in his haste to get away. It was so darn funny.

Well I just sat down on the ground and laughed, when I cam in a few minutes later, still in my panties, I just couldn't stop laughing. My poor dog must have thought I was going nuts or something, she got under the desk and wouldn't come out.

This morning I had sense enough to get scared, and couldn't believe I did that and lived through it.

BUt, I am going to see about getting a security system put in, can't afford it, but not sure if I would ever have the courage to do something like this again.

NOT A VICTIM, but now I should be scared.

Can you imagine what I must have looked like, dressed only in a smile and skimpy panties?.

My Journey Sept 25, 09 A LIFE OF PAIN

My Journey Sept 25, 09 A LIFE OF PAIN

The friends I used to have, the places I used to go, the people that I used to talk to, the world I used to know, the things I used to do. The family I thougth I had,

Gone, all of it gone, now there is nothing, a void, noone talks to me, no one knows me, the friends have gone, the family is gone, everything gone.

Whats left is my dog, reading books, watching TV, going on the internet, and always being alone, alone and totally isolated. I see no one, talk to no one, go nowhere, have nothing to care for or about except my dog.

When I became disabled-my world went away, gone was my life, my reason for being, my everything gone.

Never do I complain to anyone that I see face-to-face, never mention my pain, never fail to smile, never am I rude, never do I cry or moan about what I have lost. But I have lost it all, Everything gone.

Now I sit here alone, unwanted, unloved, uncared for, unknown,

So what do I have? I have the people I have met on the internet, some of whom do seem to care, but there is no one to talk to , no one to be with , no one talk to , no one to care, no one who knows me anymore.

No one to say, "Good job" when I managed to get out of the motorized wheelchair and walk again. No one to see me struggle to walk a little further, to do a little more, to watch me try to improve, no one to share the pain, or even share the laughs.

Yet, I must try to continue to improve, to do more, to walk a few more steps, to pet my dog who is my only companion.

Is this a "pity party" if it is, I am partying all alone. No not depressed or even angry. Just sometimes I miss my life, I miss my friends, I miss the conversation, I miss the company, I miss the family, I miss it all.

Tomorrow will be better, it has to be because I keep trying to make it better, Keep feeling that those things that I miss don't matter.

Isolation because of the pain, because I can't do all the things I used to do. But I am still a worthwhile person, I am somebody and will always strive to improve and to get stronger, to walk a few more steps. to continue to try to make friends.

I am a person in pain, but the Pain does not define me, There is much more to me than that. I will hope that tomorrow will be better.

My Journey Sept12, 09 A Life of Pain

This morning I woke up and the pain was so bad that I couldn't move enough to get up. When I could get up, I couldn't stand and had to almost crawl to the bathroom.

Finally got a shower around 4 pm. Gradually the pain eased and then I noticed that something was "wrong" or "different" and couldn't figure out what it was.

I realized that the pain had almost all gone away, What a strange feeling to have the pain be just like a deep ache. I had forgotten what it felt like to be almost without pain. This has lasted for about 3 hours so far. I don't know what to do. I should clean the house, bathe the dog, do everything.

But I think I am just going to watch TV and write about this experience. Please pray that this feeling will last. It would be so wonderful to have a whole day without terrible pain.

Now I am very tired , but don't want to stop even for a minute. But, I really need to rest.

Maybe tomorrow will be without pain, I am going to bed shortly and think positive that I will wake up with as little pain as possible. I pray that it will last.

I would love to walk around the store tomorrow and just enjoy it. That will feel like a miracle to me. I have to believe that I will have a good day tomorrow.

My Journey Sept 02, 09 A Life of Pain

I don't chew gum as a rule, but I bought a pack of gum yesterday. Well, last night I popped two sticks in my mouth and started to chew. WRONG!!!!

I am extremely allergic to cocoanut and palm oils or any products with them in it -soap -cream etc;

So I went straight to the ER. By the time I got there- about a 5 minute drive, I had swollen up to look like I weighed 300 pounds, and I'm only 120 pounds. Then started having trouble breathing.

So after 4 shots of Steroids and 3 other shots and breathing oxygen for about 2 hours, I was finally able to come home. Spent all night very uncomfortable.

I should be ashamed, I have lived with this my whole life and yet I didn't read the ingredients in a product I never used before. Shame on me....Death by Gun...I couldn't stop laughing, but it wasn't funny.

I just can't believe I did this!! So if you are allergic to anything, please make sure that everyone knows it. Write it down and keekp it with your licence. If the allergy is severe tape a not to the dashboard of your car. Keep a not of it on you bed side stand or someplace where a stranger or an EMT would find it in case you are unable to speak.