FREE WRITE
Many times I'll sit here and just type away. I just type whatever I may be thinking at the time. I don't even look at the moniter, I may be watching TV or just thinking.
I mentioned this to my sister and she said, " It's good to FREE WRITE sometimes" I think she has termed a phrase for a whole new genre of writing.
Once I discovered that over the course of three nights I had written a short story. When I read it, it scared me, but the story was good. This story was published and even won awards.
So now , I'll FREE WRITE here and see what happens. I used to write in my sleep as a child, usually peotry and some ot that has been published also.
Today I went to dinner with my grand daughter and her two children . The children are very well behaved and I truly enjoyed out time together.
We were going shoppin after that, but the pain got bad and I had to come home. After taking medicine and resting for three hours, the pain is still very bad,
People in Severe Chronic Intractrable Pain are not "Addicts" rather we are people who live in horrible pain and we do need medicine to help us get through the day.
I do get some pain meds, but not enough to actually help me function in any kind of way. Everything I do depends on the level of pain at the time.
Pain patients need the pain medicines and we are not crazy, liars, looking for sympathy, or just plain lazy or druggies.
The pain meds are not different than people who take medicine for high blood pressure or any other type of medicine.
We do not get high, out judgement is NOT impaired and we do need the help.
A Dr one said, "You look fine to me" after I told him the reasons I needed to adjust the pain meds.
I asked him, "Is "You look fine to me" a diagnosis?" Just because I look ok does not mean that I am ok. A Dr should never belittle a patient that way.
The ER is even worse , they make sure you overhear their little remarks like GOMER - Get Outta My Emergency Room or the other one NHI - No Human Involved.
I am speaking up loud and clear for all the people who live in pain. We are not stupid, not lieing, nor are we just seeking drugs.
If we are seeking more and better pain meds that means that the pain has gotten worse and we have a need and a right to be treated for the pain that we live with every day.
FREE WRITING thanks Carrol for this term. It is exactly what I do.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
My Journey April 22
I told the Dr about the last flare that lasted almost two weeks, and the pain is getting worse all the time.
He refused to give me more pain meds and wouldn't even consider anything for break through pain relief. He said, "I don't believe in break through pain meds." Yeah, well if her were the one in pain his "beliefs" would change and quickly.
I asked him for a letter to take with me to the ER for the times when I need extra help with the pain. Again he didn't think that was necessary because the ER will help you when you need it. " It's a good idea to go there when you have the need"
But the ER here has a bad attitude when it comes th helping someone in pain. They say things like, GOMER or NHI
I explained to the Dr GOMER = Get Outta My Emergency Room and NHI = No Humans Involved.
The ER people manage to let the patient "overhear" these comments, They do this because they think that everyone is just seeking drugs. This is not the case--I just need some help now and then. When patients hear these things then they will not return to the ER, because the patient feels so intimidated and embrassed that they would rather suffer agonies than be treated like drug seeking trash.
Recreational drug users will always find a way to get what they want. But the people who are suffering and truly need these drugs are denied them or made to feel like criminals because we need them.
These drugs were researched, and manufactured for the relief of pain, but people in pain are not allowed the drugs that we need to be able to function in any kind of way.
Have you ever gone a week without a shower because of the pain? Gone without eating for days at a time because the pain is agony? Have you worn the same clothes for days because you just couldn't manage to change because of the pain?
I have and these things are amongst the things we usually don't admit to--but they are real and if you are in Chronic Intractible Pain-you have been there too.
He refused to give me more pain meds and wouldn't even consider anything for break through pain relief. He said, "I don't believe in break through pain meds." Yeah, well if her were the one in pain his "beliefs" would change and quickly.
I asked him for a letter to take with me to the ER for the times when I need extra help with the pain. Again he didn't think that was necessary because the ER will help you when you need it. " It's a good idea to go there when you have the need"
But the ER here has a bad attitude when it comes th helping someone in pain. They say things like, GOMER or NHI
I explained to the Dr GOMER = Get Outta My Emergency Room and NHI = No Humans Involved.
The ER people manage to let the patient "overhear" these comments, They do this because they think that everyone is just seeking drugs. This is not the case--I just need some help now and then. When patients hear these things then they will not return to the ER, because the patient feels so intimidated and embrassed that they would rather suffer agonies than be treated like drug seeking trash.
Recreational drug users will always find a way to get what they want. But the people who are suffering and truly need these drugs are denied them or made to feel like criminals because we need them.
These drugs were researched, and manufactured for the relief of pain, but people in pain are not allowed the drugs that we need to be able to function in any kind of way.
Have you ever gone a week without a shower because of the pain? Gone without eating for days at a time because the pain is agony? Have you worn the same clothes for days because you just couldn't manage to change because of the pain?
I have and these things are amongst the things we usually don't admit to--but they are real and if you are in Chronic Intractible Pain-you have been there too.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
My Journey April 16
I see the Rheumy on Tuesday and I'm again going to ask him to increase the pain meds. Or just give me something for break through pain.
The last time I asked him he just SMIRKED at me and said, "I don't believe in breakthrough pain meds." I have tried everything I know to get him to listen about the pain. He said, "Youre to young to be in pain like you say you are? DUH Did I ask for the pain, and is 66 to young to be in pain.
He called me a liar and demeaned my pain all in the same breath. But I know if her were in pain he would have plenty of pain meds. Probably be zonked out , but all I'm asking is a little help to take the edge off the pain.
I know I will never be pain free, but enough pain med could help me to function enought o get through my day, without haviny to lie down.
Have you ever gone a week or more without a shower because the pain is so bad? Not eaten for days because of the pain? Been unable to change you clothes and have to sleep in what you are wearing? Wear you shoes in bed because you can't move enough to take them off?
Well. We don't usually talk about this part of living with chronic intractible pain, but this is what happens. And we need to start talking about living like this. Doctors should listen to the patients and believe us when we try to express how the pain affects our daily lives.
These drugs were researched and manufactured to help relieve pain, and it's cimminal that we can't have access to enough to help us at all
The last time I asked him he just SMIRKED at me and said, "I don't believe in breakthrough pain meds." I have tried everything I know to get him to listen about the pain. He said, "Youre to young to be in pain like you say you are? DUH Did I ask for the pain, and is 66 to young to be in pain.
He called me a liar and demeaned my pain all in the same breath. But I know if her were in pain he would have plenty of pain meds. Probably be zonked out , but all I'm asking is a little help to take the edge off the pain.
I know I will never be pain free, but enough pain med could help me to function enought o get through my day, without haviny to lie down.
Have you ever gone a week or more without a shower because the pain is so bad? Not eaten for days because of the pain? Been unable to change you clothes and have to sleep in what you are wearing? Wear you shoes in bed because you can't move enough to take them off?
Well. We don't usually talk about this part of living with chronic intractible pain, but this is what happens. And we need to start talking about living like this. Doctors should listen to the patients and believe us when we try to express how the pain affects our daily lives.
These drugs were researched and manufactured to help relieve pain, and it's cimminal that we can't have access to enough to help us at all
Thursday, April 9, 2009
My Journey April 9
I am still waiting for the results of the blood tests. Even though I know it could take up to 6-8 weeks for them to come back, I am calling them every week.
Just so they don't "forget" after all the trouble I had getting these tests done at all.
The Dr is a very smart woman and she will listen, and she knows that there is always much more to learn. And I really respect her for this.
Now if only her office workers had any of her good points, it would be much nicer.
And I'm still trying not to go to Amazon and push that button and have them send me that TV. It's something I really want. The TV in the living room is not in good condition, and I think it won't last much longer.
But $899.00 is a lot for a TV. I know I would enjoy watching TV again if I had this. But I already got the Kindle 2 and that was expensive. I already have 18 books on it. And in the month before getting the Kindle 2, I went a little nuts in the Books-A-Million store and bought about 20 books. So that's a lot of money spend because I wanted to.
All I need to do is go to Amazon and push the button and they will send it to me. But, I just may do that, even though I cannot possible afford it.
I seldom buy anything and having a hard time with this. But then again, when you get older, sometimes you don't worry as much about how to pay for things.
Just so they don't "forget" after all the trouble I had getting these tests done at all.
The Dr is a very smart woman and she will listen, and she knows that there is always much more to learn. And I really respect her for this.
Now if only her office workers had any of her good points, it would be much nicer.
And I'm still trying not to go to Amazon and push that button and have them send me that TV. It's something I really want. The TV in the living room is not in good condition, and I think it won't last much longer.
But $899.00 is a lot for a TV. I know I would enjoy watching TV again if I had this. But I already got the Kindle 2 and that was expensive. I already have 18 books on it. And in the month before getting the Kindle 2, I went a little nuts in the Books-A-Million store and bought about 20 books. So that's a lot of money spend because I wanted to.
All I need to do is go to Amazon and push the button and they will send it to me. But, I just may do that, even though I cannot possible afford it.
I seldom buy anything and having a hard time with this. But then again, when you get older, sometimes you don't worry as much about how to pay for things.
Friday, April 3, 2009
My Journey April 3
I finally got the blood tests that I have been trying to get for so long.
I got tired of the Dr office not doing what they were supposed to be doing. So I went to the office and walked right past the woman at the desk. She called me back, but I just kept walking.
The I walked right into the lab and started giving orders. And I got BOTH of the tests that I have wanted. One for Chronic Pulmonary Histoplasmosis and the other for fibrosing Medaiastinitis, The Dr re-wrote the orders right then. And I was still there when they packed them up for shipment and watched the man take them off.
One goes to the CDC and the other to a lab in Michigan. I know it will take weeks for them to come back, but I am going to call each week and ask about them
The when I was leaving, the nurse tried to talk to me, but I walked right past her and left the office. Let them figgure out to bill me.
the when I got home the nurse called and asked, "Was everything OK?"
I just said, "Yes, it was" then hung up.
This is the woman who refused to tell the Dr I had even called and made me wait almost 4 months for an appointment.
NOw just two more fights on my hands. One the rheumy won't increase the pain meds, or even just give me something for breakthrough pain. When I ask he just has this smirk on his face and says, "I don't believe in breakthrough pain meds."'
Makes me want to slap that s*** eating smirk right off his face.
The the Thorasic surgeon won't let the Oncologist read the PET scans
Don't know how, but I will get what I need..
This is my life that they are screwing with.
I got tired of the Dr office not doing what they were supposed to be doing. So I went to the office and walked right past the woman at the desk. She called me back, but I just kept walking.
The I walked right into the lab and started giving orders. And I got BOTH of the tests that I have wanted. One for Chronic Pulmonary Histoplasmosis and the other for fibrosing Medaiastinitis, The Dr re-wrote the orders right then. And I was still there when they packed them up for shipment and watched the man take them off.
One goes to the CDC and the other to a lab in Michigan. I know it will take weeks for them to come back, but I am going to call each week and ask about them
The when I was leaving, the nurse tried to talk to me, but I walked right past her and left the office. Let them figgure out to bill me.
the when I got home the nurse called and asked, "Was everything OK?"
I just said, "Yes, it was" then hung up.
This is the woman who refused to tell the Dr I had even called and made me wait almost 4 months for an appointment.
NOw just two more fights on my hands. One the rheumy won't increase the pain meds, or even just give me something for breakthrough pain. When I ask he just has this smirk on his face and says, "I don't believe in breakthrough pain meds."'
Makes me want to slap that s*** eating smirk right off his face.
The the Thorasic surgeon won't let the Oncologist read the PET scans
Don't know how, but I will get what I need..
This is my life that they are screwing with.
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